I recapped America’s Got Talent, the American version of the Simon Cowell-produced Britain’s Got Talent last season, and I loathed it so much, it made me want to punch out my television screen.

The new season of AGT premiered Tuesday night, and since I don’t hate myself, I won’t be re-capping this year, but I’ll be keeping an eye on the show, and if there’s an act that catches my eye, I’ll bring it to you.

Exhibit A: Why I despise America’s Got Talent with the blazing white hot heat of 1000 suns. Check out this act, The Voices of Glory. A fine family singing group with great harmonies. Watch the young girl–she’s a little star. So far so good.

But this is AGT, where the producers have never met a backstory that’s too overwrought, too sentimental or too shameless! These kiddies sang their mama out of a coma, peeps! And they wheel her out on stage for the crowd to see! And Sharon Osbourne is crying! And the music swells! And the crowd cheers! And I want to kill somebody! UGH.

The headlines around AGT’s premiere have been all about whether American will find their own Susan Boyle. Well, good luck with that, Simon. The next episode of America’s Got Talent airs tomorrow night at 9 pm.

Video after the JUMP…

 
  • Sunn

    I’m so pathetic, I keep crying at these emotionally manufactured moments. I’m such a weeping fool.

  • terps

    I thought the man and women balancers in purple where good to

  • will

    Thanks for watching it so we don’t have to, MJ.

  • lizardino

    I can’t believe I actually sort of watched about 45 minutes of this. I agree with you about the completely overwrought way in which the producers milk every last drop of emotion from every moment possible–although those kids were really good.

    On a personal note, I live in Seattle and always have to laugh when shows come here for auditions. I don’t know WHAT happens, but the wierdness certainly comes out at audition time. It also happened at the AI auditions here. Maybe it’s our weather or too much coffee all over the place, but we must have the strangest contestants in the world here.

    Honestly, you don’t see these people in everyday life here–most of the people I meet seem reasonably normal (maybe that says something about me?). Maybe it’s a secret (batshit crazy) signal that goes out when auditions are coming up. Who knows? All I can say is really, we’re not all like that here. Many of us are sane and just like you–we paint ourselves purple on the solstice and juggle cats just like every other American…

  • lakerchristinee

    On a personal note, I live in Seattle and always have to laugh when shows come here for auditions. I donà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬Ã¢â€ž ¢t know WHAT happens, but the wierdness certainly comes out at audition time. It also happened at the AI auditions here. Maybe ità ¢Ã¢â€š ¬Ã¢â€ž ¢s our weather or too much coffee all over the place, but we must have the strangest contestants in the world here.

    Haha, I live in Seattle too and we are seriously the WORST city for reality shows. When AI came up here, we had so few golden tickets go through…roughly 14 or so. We had the bush baby, I believe, the bohemian rhapsody trainwreck, sanjaya (no hate, guys…I love me some sanjaya), jordin (love her) and blake (ha…). What a group! Also they came for SYTYCD and I remember nigel being frustrated at the auditions yelling “is there any talent here?!” hahahahaha, oh man. I guess FOX will never plan another trip up here.

  • carolinacharms

    Everyone in my house was crying. Guess it worked, eh?

  • lizardino

    I guess FOX will never plan another trip up here.

    Are you kidding? Of course they’ll be here again simply because we are crazy audition gold! And of course we are also the home of Blake and Sanjaya’s hair as well!

  • lifeisfun

    This is one of the worst reality competition shows. Even if there was talent on the show, I dont understand how a person would judge a frisbee-catching dog vs. a man who drills his face vs. a family that sings together. And even the prize is weird because it means that a lot of the show is dependant on back/sob story. If your voting to give someone a million dollars, they better have a good story.

    Mj: I would feel bad if you had to recap this… I couldnt even get through 40 min.

  • shadow-rider

    You know I never watched this show before but for some reason the channel never got changed. I wish it had. I now see why I never watched the show. I mean I saw some acts that were slightly entertaining but more on a county fair level like the flying dog act. The good news is this will be the only episode I will ever see. Next week I guarantee I won’t be on that channel.

    The ones mj thinks are worth watching I will watch.

  • Pixie Baker

    Oh No They Didn’t……( I didn’t watch….just trusted MJ’s critique….thanks for sparing me this, Mj!) ….Pix

  • JosieX

    Awww, cute kids. I hope being on the show is good for them.

    Another Seattle person here! Don’t know how to explain whacko contestants from here other than to pose a theory that maybe a greater proportion of the “normal” people feel that they’re “too cool” for that sort of thing? My only evidence is that this is the first year I watched AI, and I only know one other person who watches it (besides my husband, who I lured into it). It’s my former boss, and she and I whisper about it!

  • DEfan

    I cried too, because I am a sucker for stories like that. But FOR ME (happy belated birthday Randy!), I didn’t even think they sounded that great. The girl was terrific but I thought the boys were a little pitchy, dawg. But they were sweet and respectful and certainly performed well enough to go on to the next round. As opposed to the guy who sang that love song to the Hoff! Funny, but come on…..!

  • CFIdolsfan

    I cried too, because I am a sucker for stories like that. But FOR ME (happy belated birthday Randy!), I didnà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬Ã¢â€ž ¢t even think they sounded that great. The girl was terrific but I thought the boys were a little pitchy, dawg. But they were sweet and respectful and certainly performed well enough to go on to the next round. As opposed to the guy who sang that love song to the Hoff! Funny, but come onà ¢Ã¢â€š ¬ ¦..!

    I don’t mind stories like the Voices of Glory. I’m a mom, so it does tug at my heartstrings. I believe it has been confirmed that those in a coma can hear you; just not able to communicate. It’s not the first story that I have heard where someone was brought out of a coma because of what was said to them (and in this case, sung, :-) ). I agree that the girl was the best one. She can do pretty well on her own, I feel. And yes, I can do without that love song to the Hoff, lol.

  • geekygirl

    MJ!!! :lol_tb:

  • butte009

    Bummer. I was so hoping to find SYTYCD spoilers this morning.

    Alas… at least I can honestly say that I’ve never watched AGT and thanks to MJ I know to avoid starting.

  • honowoowoo

    MJ! OMG! I googled you (no … don’t be afraid; just a huge fan of yours) to see if you had other stuff … and one of the searches brought me to a “show” that you did with Rickey and Jim on the finale. At the end of the show, you guys talked about your twitter accounts, so I went to add the three of you and guess what??? Jim “twittered” (sorry, new to twitter so I don’t know if that’s the lingo) … but anyways, Jim twittered me that I was his 600th follower!!

    Again, because of my fandom of Adam … sorry I didn’t know where to tell you this … I know it’s off topic … but woo hoo!!

  • itsalleternal

    That’s what happens when you put all the controls in the hand of Simon Cowell. I really do not like that show either. Unfortunately, if Cowell gets even more power on AI, that is exactly what it will look like…

    I turned it off early in the first show I tried to watch last season.

  • Mary102

    LOL! MJ, you are too funny! I remember watching AGT when it first showed up on tv, and I couldn’t stand how manipulative and cheesy it was. Dear God. I’m completely with you on not being able to watch a moment of it. Even the Susan Boyle fiasco (and how sadly that has turned out), makes me wary of any of these kinds of shows.

    People knock AI for being cheesy, but it is a million times better than these other talent shows.

  • Akatot

    Thanks MJ. You ruined it for me. I was getting ready to shed a tear or two, but due to your comments, I had my shield up and felt nothing but contempt at the manipulation.

  • tinawina

    Am I a bad person because I didn’t think they were all that good? The little girl was the best one. I wanted to hear her alone.

    That’s the problem with that show for me. Forget the blatant emotional manipulation, these people are usually not really all that IMO.

  • Lisa

    I like the show. Sure it’s very smaltzy, but I love me some smaltz. It brought me Eli last year. Eli is supposedly signed with the Epic division of Sony. I wish Eli would have gone on AI because I think he would have won the whole sheebang. Sooo much talent.

    Some vids of Eli at the Ivory Room:
    Candle in the Wind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2owu0qhSNs
    Piano Man: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVIEaK0o2og&feature=related
    Walking In Memphis:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GhjrG98LCI&feature=related

  • TWI

    We’re a sad pair, the husband and I. We watched AGT last night. He’s what I call a musical elitist , watches Idol for my sake, watches AGT mainly for laughs.
    He cried at the end – I could hardly believe it! I’m the weepy one, and I didn’t.
    The audience manipulation was so very obvious. And let’s be honest, they sang one of the biggest flag-wavers there is – who wasn’t going to give them a standing ovation? The little girl was very cute, and the harmonies were nice though.

    I liked the Obama impersonator best.

    Sad – that’s us! :rolleyes_wp:

  • houstonrufus

    I can’t bear the show. Didn’t watch it, but I heard a little about it this morning on the drive in. Exhibit B why I don’t watch the show: people putting hooks and drill bits in their nasal cavities. I can almost handle the sob stories. I have no problem with crap tv either. I watch my share of it. But something about people doing the most ridiculous things on a live stage in front of the Hoff? It’s a brain seize I can skip. There is a reason Jerry Springer used to host this. That’s all I’m saying.

  • Ladybug

    Uck. I hate admit I watched this. Well, does leaving the room and occasionally checking in count as “watching”?

    It really is just beyond imagining bad in every way. Likely I will be a casual viewer, but good gawd, I don’t blame you MJ for not falling into this show’s clutches.

    And while I felt the 3 girl sisters and the brother/sister act mentioned above were decently talented the whole manipulation aspect completely and totally sucked and made me not want to root for a single one.

  • Lisa

    One more, I hope it’s ok MJ
    Eli singing *Favorite Things* from the Sound of Music:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGUmtAABMPs

  • Tess

    Just the fact that it’s Sharon Osborne and David Hasselhoff sitting at the judges tables makes me puke when I even see a mention of the show. I have never been into this kind of humour and manipulation and can’t stand to watch people totally ridicule themselves for 5 minutes of fame….I just keep thinking what really sad lives they lead (AI audition rounds are tough enough).

    Actually, as I checked the evening’s listings I wondered if MJ was going to “attempt” to watch the show so that she could relay some information to us, and my immediate second thought was that I was glad it had to be her not me…I’m bad!

    I now know why I spend so much time “here” and on my computer. It’s summer rerun season and out of 100 or so channels on my TV there wasn’t a thing worth watching. So I threw in a 40 year old movie “The Great Escape” and had myself a nice evening.

  • cookcricket

    Hi. I haven’t watched this yet. I’m sure I’ll cry. That’s what I do at these kinds of stories. I sincerely believe if I were in a coma, my children could sing me out of it. However, I don’t think this is the platform for letting the world know about such things…if we need to let the world know at all. :)

    Nothing against this family (as I said I haven’t even watched it yet). I just don’t get why sensationalism and talent can’t be separated.

  • cookcricket

    Well, now that I’ve watched this, they handled it pretty well, emphasizing that it’s based on the talent and the person back stage emphasized regardless of what happens this was powerful. Which it was. Hopefully they will steep these people in reality along the way…

  • musicisthelife

    You can’t help but love those 3. They have this sense of confidence and strength glowing from them. And their talent is incredible.

  • Dr. Tracey

    Someone pass the bucket, I think i’m gonna hurl.

  • auntieaimee

    Bleurgh.

  • cookcricket

    Okay, is there a back story with each of these acts? Or most? Really? Ugh!

  • BootStar

    mj, I love you! That was actually the best synopsis of that shit show I’ve ever read.

    There’s cheese and then there’s rotten, fetid Limburger, and AGT is the latter.

  • lilbrusc102

    I don’t really watch AGT on a regular basis but from this clip it seems that Nick Cannon is doing pretty well w/ the new hosting gig. Good for Mr. Mariah Carey :)

    Oh, and the kids were cute and sang well, especially the little girl, but the soaring music during the package was beyond cheesy, as well as the Leona Lewis (?) cover of Snow Patrol’s “Run” (a song I love) playing in the background at the end.

  • lamslova

    i am crying right along with Sharon Ozbourne these kids are amazing!