Am I the only one who believes these are the worst acts ever? Even lamer than usual? I’m beginning to question my decision to live blog this stuff.
America’s Got Talent takes hits to St. Louis MO. Howie Mandel’s mom is in the house. Don’t touch the germ phobe’s mommy!
Tom Bonham – Puppeteer – Dude had such an elaborate set up, I expected him to be at least halfway decent, but he’s randomly and laughably bad. Just the type of act that Howie loves to put through, but Howard and Sharon are having none of it. “It’s so horrible!” enthuses Howie. 2 nos, 1 yes.
Next are acts that don’t make it: Female drummer without her band (Howie is sure that she’s lying about the band), Woman body builder who crushes beer cans. Weird guy dressed up as a chicken, cowboy who does terrible lasso tricks (Howard buzzes him with his ass, and then tries a little lasso himself.)
Isaac Brown – Another precocious kid. Six year old Isaac sings and dances to a karaoke track of “I Want You Back”. He’s a good little imitator, but not a million dollar act. He’s simultaneously lippy and hammy, like those annoying kids you see on sitcoms. No good can come of this. Nevertheless, the judges love him. Howard: We get a lot of kids your age that come on and are annoying, but I like you already. Sharon: Very few people have star quality and you have it. Howie: You are a big superstar, I’m giving you a big yes. 3 yeses.
Spencer Horseman – World’s Youngest Escape Artist. He’s 26. He takes the stage in a straight jacket and is lifted hanging upside down by a metal contraption which is SET ON FIRE. He has to escape before the entire construct collapses on him, jaws of death style. He gets himself free just in time. It is rather exciting. Howard: It was really amazing what you did. Howie: America is mesmerized by this kind of stunt. He gets 3 yeses.
Montage of successful acts: Female steppers, Hip hop violinist, girl guitar singer, acrobats, a bespectacled boy who plays guitar (He’s terrible, I don’t get it).
Little Ozzie – He’s a dwarf. And an Ozzie impersonator. And the only thing he cares about is Sharon seeing his act. “IT’S MY DESTINY,” he says. He kinda sounds like Ozzie. A super off-key Ozzie. Howie and Howard buzz him, but Sharon refuses. He’s getting enormous boos from the crowd. Sharon: My husband is away, but you made me miss him even more by singing that song. Sharon says no, but thanks him for his effort. She makes his day by giving him a big hug. 3 nos.
Cut Throat Freak Show – Nope. Another gross out act involving really gross acts against the human body. Not liveblogging because I can’t watch. SORRY. NO. Howard: I think you’ve done something that’s been done a million times and made it new again. Sharon: I can’t. I just can’t. Howie: I think they were really good. Howard and Howie say yes. Sharon says no. Ugh. They’ll be back.
Ron Christopher Porter, Jr. – Wants to do voice over work for the movies. He thinks putting on a funny voice and mimicking “In a world” trailer voice overs (like, the most cliched bit EVER) is some kind of act. Howard buzzes him. He thinks not. Ron collapses dramatically after Howard rejects him, but perks up when Howie tells him he can hang out with Nick backstage. Dude seriously needs to lay off the caffeine.
Ron introduces the next act.
Curtis Cutts Bey – “Give it to me Baby” by Rick James – A joke act, that serves mostly to bring Nick and Ron back out on stage to perform as back up dancers. This is how the episode ends…with a joke contestant. St. Louis DOES NOT have talent. Obviously.
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