America’s Got Talent – Season 8 Finale – Live Blog and Discussion

America's Got Talent - Season 8

We’re here! Finale night! At 9 PM on NBC, we will see one of the final six acts awarded the title of America’s Most Talented Performer Who Just Couldn’t Be Bothered To Invest The Necessary Time, Energy, and Commitment To Achieve Legitimate Success. With that singular honor comes big bucks (amounting to something like $25,000 a year before taxes, unless the winner chooses to take the present cash value of the annuity, in which case they net about $430,000–$143,333 apiece for Forte–based on a fixed rate of five per cent, less state and federal taxes), a headline show in Vegas, and a place in America’s hearts and sponsored Facebook posts.

Before we can share their tears of joy and gratitude, we must wait it out through performances by a bunch of frantically cross-promoting singers like Il Divo and Josh Groban.

And somewhere, in a lonely pine-paneled TV room, D’Angelo and Ruby will be watching, and sticking pins into voodoo dolls of the Snapple CEO.

It’s our last rapid-fire clip review of all the inane comments made by the judges and the contestants crying. Cherish it, people. Then Nick appears on stage in a tuxedo with an oddly cut white jacket. Eight minutes in, we’re still watching review clips interspersed with backstage moments of the contestants praising each other. The editor must get paid a lot of overtime.

Entertainment starts with the Rockettes, who these days wear LED-lit outfits that flash different colors. They’re a coordinated light show as they dance. How does that work? Are they all plugged into a massive power strip?

Before we learn any results, we have to listen to Icona Pop, a girl group dressed like 60’s luncheonette waitresses. They sing about as well as an order of cheese fries.  Regimental, aerobic-like dance movements are performed behind them by people in various states of undress. It’s like a nightmare I had after watching a Nazi movie while eating Mexican food.

Now a look into “the lives of the judges.” This means clips of them bantering with each other like kids in detention while dressed in ensembles that cost more than annual health insurance for a family of four. And yet another replay of The Kiss. I have now seen this footage more often than the Challenger explosion.

Next Cami Bradley duets with Gavin DeGraw, she on a small white piano and he on a big black one that are just barely touching. Make of that what you will. Who originated the celebrity-rising star duet? Was it American Idol or Lawrence Welk? And who’s going to duet magic with Collins?

The next star pairing is Kenichi dancing to the music of Il Divo, along with Heather Headley. He is so cute in his wee tuxedo. But then they send him off the stage so these bozos can bellow Can You Feel the Love Tonight in two languages. Disney hasn’t been this continental since they opened a yacht club at Epcot. One of the Divos says Kenichi reminds him of Michael Jackson. They do have similar eyebrows.

After that, James Lipton interviews Taylor. Two guys with terrible hair and awkward delivery. Taylor’s favorite curse word is Dick Cheney. Apparently he wrote all his material in 2004. Lipton then segues things into a montage of Nick clips, featuring a panoply of suit hues.

Now for Collins Key. He gets Kathie Lee and Hoda as his “sexy assistants,” which will not only teach him not to be so desperate about wanting a girlfriend, but indicates that he did not win this show. He seals an empty envelope, and has Kathie Lee sign it and sit on it. Then he promotes Hoda’s book and has her randomly pick a page and read the first word. He giggles like a toddler and shows them a pile of dollar bills, from which they take one. Then he shows them that the page Hoda chose is now torn from the book. He “visualizes” writing the word and the serial number of the bill they chose on the missing page and inserting it into the envelope. I guess this is what he does in bed instead of making up Penthouse Forum letters. And of course, when he opens the envelope that is warm from Kathie Lee’s behind, the page is inside with the information written on it. This is the same trick yet again! Yes, it’s impressive, but it’s the SAME TRICK. Fangirls, remember–Collins can only do one trick (nudge, nudge).

In the Snapple All-Natural Talent Suite, everyone looks listless as Nick introduces Forte. It now seems apparent that the tall one is the best singer. Then Josh Groban appears out of the smoke, reducing all three of them to back-up performers.

Now it’s Jimmy Rose’s turn to sing with Dierks Bentley, a name that sounds like a car dealership. They both have guitars and blue jeans and sing about “thangs Ah boolave in.” I notice that often these authentic country singers do not have authentic country teeth.  Jimmy looks gobsmacked that Dierks is there with him, or maybe he’s just impressed with his mop of curly hair that a coal mining helmet would probably not fit over.

Now, wow, Earth, Wind & Fire perform. At least we, and they, don’t have to put up with any of the show’s inept acts performing with them. However, I imagine a good percentage of the audience has no idea who they are. They finish September, plug their new release, and sing something from that. It’s nice to know they stay current with their marketing tactics.

Finally, the six finalists are lined up on stage. For one, the dream of stardom is about to end, intones Nick.  And then for four more, no? In sixth place is. . . wow, Cami Bradley. I thought she’d be higher up. She’s certainly better than One-Trick Key.

Next to eat dirt is . . .Collins Key. Hey, kid, did you predict that and post it on You Tube?

The Top 4 gape nervously. Who’s out next? It’s Forte. The most memorable thing for them was blah, blah, blah, we stopped caring as soon as your name was called.

Moving right along, it’s another commercial break and then Luke Bryan will perform while Jimmy, Kenichi, and Taylor flood their underarm areas.

Who is this Luke Bryan person? His jeans are as tight as a OJ’s glove and everyone is waving American flags while he sings. He holds the mike and wanders all over the stage and crouches and twirls his trucker’s hat, which is not a cowboy hat.  Is this some new incarnation of country singer? After some googling, I find I couldn’t care less.

Back to results. Why does Nick keep saying they’re “leaving the competition”? The competition is over in five minutes. Maybe it’s some legalistic language that prevents them from ever auditioning again. Or maybe Nick is stupid. Anyway, third place goes to. . . Jimmy Rose. He was proud to represent coal mining, which I didn’t know he was, so not such a good job, Jimbo.

It’s down to Taylor and Kenichi. Good grief, America. You really put these guys in even the same football stadium where talent is concerned?

First there is a review of the two’s journey on the show, because recent federal legislation requires that the word “journey” be used at least nine times in every episode of any reality show.

Who has the nation chosen as winner of AGT Season 8? It’s . . . come on already. . . KENICHI EBINA!!!!

Good work, America. Kenichi looks mildly startled. Hooray, hooray, hooray! Thanks to all the commenters for sharing this journey with me. Good night, and thank you Simon Cowell.

 

  • Aaron Krandel

    http://instagram.com/p/ea3kL5MwkT/

    Someone post this and Candices other insta video of her new song!

  • hillbillybill

    What’s this got to do with America’s Got Talent’s finale? I thought Candice was on American Idol.

  • The Moist

    OMG OMG OMG!

  • Murghala

    I am SO excited!!

  • Murghala

    Pink sparkly shoes on Nick. YES!!!!

  • The Moist

    I’m so scared.

  • fuzzywuzzy

    Nick’s jacket is uncharacteristically loose. lol

  • Murghala

    There there Moisty. It’s gonna be okay.

  • Murghala

    Fuzzy! We missed you last night. Did you watch?

  • Murghala

    The best part of the show is watching the other contestants watching the acts.

  • fuzzywuzzy

    No, I wasn’t feeling well so I went to bed early. I caught up with the videos. :)

  • fuzzywuzzy

    It’s a 2 hour finale? Yikes! LOTS of filler tonight. lol

  • Murghala

    Who did you like the best?

  • Murghala

    Oh noooo…. I’m a in bed by 10 p.m. latest person…How much filler can they possibly require?

  • Murghala

    Nick is gonna want one of those Rockette light-up jackets

  • Zapple

    LOL without a doubt.

  • Murghala

    I can’t believe they didn’t do the kick-line!!

  • The Moist

    Jesus. Who’s gonna watch this.

  • fuzzywuzzy

    I know! That’s synonymous with “The Rockettes”.

  • Zapple

    I didn’t think they were allowed to perform without doing the kick-line.

  • http://mj Shnugs

    Moist is sweaty.

  • fuzzywuzzy

    I like Kenichi, but tbh, I’m not sure any of the finalists are going anywhere after this show.

  • http://mj Shnugs

    Really! What a disappointment.

  • Zapple

    Seriously? Are we going to have to wait until 10:45 for any results?

  • Murghala

    Make that 10:58

  • Zapple

    Oh dear Murgs, you’ll be sleeping like a baby by that time. Having nightmares that Taylor won.

  • The Moist

    At least eliminate one person every couple of minutes. Starts with Cami.

  • Murghala

    You got that right. Though the part about caring? Not really.

  • czt

    Is there a live feed tonight?

  • Murghala

    I don’t think so, Moisty. She’s going the distance.

  • The Moist

    Murghala. Drink some coffee. There will not be another AGT finale until next year. How can you miss this one?

  • ETK

    I like the IconaPop! They have a good sound.

    http://www.iconapop.com/iconictour

  • The Moist

    She got the dead spot. Also we has 3 singers. She’s so out first.

  • Murghala

    You’re always in my heart. And that’s the only place.

  • Murghala

    Sure the judges had fun. But what about us here? Hah? Hah!!

  • Zapple

    Must we be subjected to the Howards groping each other again?

  • Murghala

    Yes, repeatedly.

  • The Moist

    So Taylor’s gonna win right? Either him or Forte. I think Kenichi will lose to them. He sucked last night.

  • Zapple

    But Kenichi is beloved!

  • Murghala

    Lalalala, I can’t hear you!

  • The Moist

    He should have saved his best act for the last. He used up everything before last night and had nothing left. Stupid.

  • The Moist

    Most importantly who’s gonna duet with Kenichi?

  • Murghala

    Il Divo.

  • Zapple

    You must be really hating his act tonight if you didn’t like last night.

  • The Moist

    I didn’t hate it. It just wasn’t impressive enough to get votes.

  • Zapple

    I want my bedroom ceiling to look like that.

  • Zapple

    omg look how tiny Kenichi is next to those guys. He really IS elfin!

  • The Moist

    Easier for him to sneak into small places, if you know what I mean.

  • Zapple

    Well I guess Taylor is not gay. Loves boobs, hates balls. His words, not mine.

  • Pablito Garcia

    I figured I’d say “Hi” to everyone. …Hi.

  • Murghala

    Is anyone out yet?

  • Pablito Garcia

    “Sorry Ladies” … clever quip works on many levels. Avoids being overtly-homophobic as Tom Cotter was when he lost.

  • http://mj Shnugs

    I suspect both genders reject him.

  • Zapple

    Nope not yet, as we expected.

  • Zapple

    Hey Pablito! Welcome to the much anticipated Finale :)

  • The Moist

    I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life.

  • Zapple

    I dunno, if he becomes famous he may be making hay while the sun is shining.

  • Zapple

    LOL, who are you, Phil Collins?

  • Zapple

    Maybe is Collins sang his routine I could pay attention.

  • http://mj Shnugs

    Aloha, Pablito!

  • http://mj Shnugs

    Stay with us, Murghs! Breathe, dammit!

  • http://mj Shnugs

    IT’S THE SAME TRICK EVERY TIME

  • ETK

    omg Dirks Bentley is so sexy

  • fuzzywuzzy

    This show is interminable! Josh wasn’t sounding so good, like he had a cold or something.

  • Zapple

    That is a cute curly headed guy, even if he is a country singer.

  • fuzzywuzzy

    Jimmy Rose has the worst haircut on the planet. lol

  • Zapple

    Yes! I was noticing that! Looks fine in those jeans.:)

  • fuzzywuzzy

    Nice plug for Katy’s new single. lol

  • Zapple

    He must have asked for the half-wit cut at the barber shop.

  • The Moist

    You don’t get it man.
    Neither do I.

  • Zapple

    Earth Wind and Fire? I loved them….in 1980.

  • fuzzywuzzy

    EW&F singing a reality singing show staple. lol

  • fuzzywuzzy

    lol at the EW&F lead singer yelling out onstage for people to get their new CD!

  • http://mj Shnugs

    Oh, God, if I see the ad for that movie Gravity again, I am going to go catatonic. So frightening.

  • Zapple

    I know! And yet, I really want to see it!

  • Zapple

    Dessssssperado!

  • fuzzywuzzy

    Do these finalists go on tour after the show?

  • http://mj Shnugs

    Ha ha, me too.

  • The Moist

    Cami 6th place! Told you.

  • Zapple

    Not surprised either…..oh wise one :)

  • The Moist

    I can’t predict the rest, but Cami is the clear one.

  • Zapple

    She sang well but was a bit of a dullard otherwise.

  • The Moist

    What age is the demographic for AGT?

  • Pablito Garcia

    Blogger, you’re hilarious with you trash talk on Collin’s LOL

  • Zapple

    Well that surprises me! Forte going home in 4th place.

  • Pablito Garcia

    I’m so confused, I cannot “Like” comments meaning there’s a pressure to respond so I don’t seem rude LOL

    LIKE , Thumbs UP.

  • The Moist

    Wow!

  • Wfish88

    SHOCKED about Forte, thought opera would win. Don’t think there would be a worse winner than Jimmy. There was already like an old country singer who won couple years ago- he was a lot worse tho.

  • Pablito Garcia

    As a mentalist myself, “Prediction Effects” are one of the worse “set ups” … I totally avoid prediction effects. Even when I’ve effectively done a prediction effect, I “play it” a different way… Like I might do it as a drawing duplication effect…or the like. Which seems more mind reading.

    It’s really, really unfortunate.

  • http://mj Shnugs

    Shnugs is the name, and thank you kindly.

  • Zapple

    I’d rather Taylor won than Jimmy! Sorry, Jimmy fans.

  • http://mj Shnugs

    Where’s Elton John? She was the only woman.

  • http://mj Shnugs

    Zappy! That’s a Hobbes choice. I think. Is that what that means?

  • Zapple

    Shnugs is the best!

  • Pablito Garcia

    Just ask Mr. Collin’s Key

  • The Moist

    Holy shit Taylor in the Top 3. TOP 3! Louis CK watch out!

  • The Moist

    Collin would have fared better if he found his identity as a performer. I think he’s confused whether he’s a magician or a psychic.

  • Zapple

    LOL, take it or leave it?

  • Pablito Garcia

    SHNUGS, did you see the video I put up of “Thimble Magic” ? As a small example of “irrelevant magic” back in the day mentalist used a lot of “slates” (aka chalkboards) that’s also “passe” it just looks weird to use slates now… But white boards are much more common.

  • Wfish88

    When they started the flashback segment, thought for sure they were going to play Home (p2)

  • Pablito Garcia

    I agree. And he doesn’t have a “character” except being sexy to teenboys and teengirls. LOL We have no “reason” for his magic. If you’re going to have “spiddy senses” you better be bit by a radioactive spider.

  • Zapple

    Taylor is going to win it! Holy crap!

  • Zapple

    Who was that? He must be better on his platinum record that he is in person.

  • The Moist

    We all must have a sense of humor failure when it comes to Taylor. Maybe we’re too old.

  • fuzzywuzzy

    Wow! Unexpected results tonight.

  • fuzzywuzzy

    Is it possible that Taylor will win? Yikes!

  • Zapple

    HAH! Taylor looks stunned that he beat Jimmy Rose.

  • Wfish88

    YAY!!! No singer this year!!!!!

  • Zapple

    Entirely possible! Kenichi seems more fit for Vegas if you ask me.

  • Zapple

    Or ventriloquists! yay!

  • The Moist

    Best AGT finale ever. I won’t even be mad if Taylor wins. Kenichi!

  • Wfish88

    MEL B SHUT UP…. Don’t plug your single into a goodbye speech to Jimmy.

  • Pablito Garcia

    Again, where I cannot like, I must reply. :)

  • The Moist

    I don’t get it. But suck it Jimmy.

  • Zapple

    Taylor looks worried that he might win.

  • fuzzywuzzy

    Yaaaaayy!

  • Zapple

    Yaaaayyyyy! Kenichi! Kenichi!

  • Wfish88

    America got it right this year!! First time in a long time….

  • The Moist

    The best person wins. I hate when this happens.

  • The Moist

    I want to be outraged. This is boring

  • Zapple

    Kenichi’s reaction was the most low key win in history. HAH!

  • http://mj Shnugs

    Ha, it was.

  • Zapple

    I know, what do we have to bitch about now!?

  • Zapple

    It’s been fun people! Shnuggles, keep me posted on where what show we’re going to dissect next!

  • The Moist

    If VFTW was still around, they would have helped ensuring Taylor’s victory.

  • MichaelG (MikhailXO)

    Or dog act! Yippy!

  • Heidijoy

    Happy for Kenichi!!! and Taylor in Second!! Hope they both do well!!

  • Kariann Hart

    Maybe the jackets wouldn’t allow that high movement? I kept waiting for it. Disappointment.

  • Kariann Hart

    I really enjoyed this Finale. Lots of good talent. I liked both acts for the win. Nick is really a good Host with lots of energy. He deserves an Emmy.

  • mitchellvii

    Cami Bradley 6th place? Seriously over that other crap? You have to be kidding me. Goes to show you teen girls won’t vote for a girl who is prettier than them.

  • Bluebeat

    Awesome season and I LOVED watching Mel B & Heidi Klum as the new female judges this season. They did a great job this season. Seems like having The Voice on NBC had an effect on the way people voted for singing acts on AGT. They’re not winning anymore.

  • Allison

    Didn’t watch the show, but major lulz to shnugs at this line “But then they send him off the stage so these bozos can bellow Can You Feel the Love Tonight in two languages.”!
    What a marketable winner -not.

  • The Moist

    Wrong show, dude.

  • justmefornow

    LOL. Didn’t watch this show either and couldn’t care less who won, but get this guy Shnugs his own show!! Love him.

  • CB40

    I like the dude who won, I hope he gets a nice big budget for his Vegas show.