America’s Got Talent 2016 – Auditions #2 – Live Blog and Videos

It’s week two of the auditions.

Alla and Daniel – Ballroom Dancers – It’s a mom and son dance team. Like, the boy is maybe 10 years old, so it’s a little weird. Simon asks if they are husband and wife. “I just thought you were short.” They ballroom dance to “Moves Like Jagger” and that seems entirely appropriate! The little kid swears he’s the one who nagged his mom to dance. Having said that, he’s a cutie, pulling all his little faces. And he can dance too. The duo gender switch for the flips and lifts, so it’s…different. Howie says he wanted his mom to dance with him too, but she wouldn’t. Mel B. is super impressed with the young one. “I could not take my eyes off of you.” Simon thinks his mom shrunk her husband. Well, that would be creepy if true, in more ways than one. He’s impressed, though. Afterward, Daniel breaks down in tears of happiness/relief. – 4 yeses.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTcj2alATJg

Contorture – Contortionist – Dressed in a suit and tie, Jonathan Nosan is 47 and majored in Asian studies at Berkeley. He’s a businessman, but KNOWS that inside he’s a performer. His talent? He’s super flexible. SIGN HIM UP. He does what looks like super-attenuated yoga poses in a suit and tie, set to the Weeknd’s “Earned It.” He can pull his head behind his legs while lying on his stomach, for instance. His presentation mildly entertaining in a wow-that-dude-is-super-bendy kind of way, but I wouldn’t call it an act, exactly. Howie calls it “surprising.” Jonathan has been studying to be a contortionist since 24 years of age. Simon says “fantastically weird.” Mel B. notes that contortionists are usually women in sparkly outfits. This is true- 4 yeses.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZErN9mLFvx8

Musicality High School Choir – A public high school choir, the school is in a “rough” neighborhood. They practice in the building stairwells. No auditorium? No choir room? The group is out to prove that it’s possible for anyone to rise above their environment. Singing “Night Changes” by One Direction, the group has a really nice sound with crisp harmonies, particularly for a high school choir. A million dollar act? Nah. They’ll probably be cut in Las Vegas. But they have a nice, feel good backstory, so I’m not surprised they advanced. Afterward, kids cry and hug each other. Howie says their heart is really into it. Mel B. loved when the whole group sang together. Heidi calls covering One Direction “smart.” Simon picked up on their nerves, but halfway through, he “got it.” He compliments them on their hard work. And he compliments the director too. – 4 yeses.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBHElQ8Rp9s

A montage of joke contestants start out with a parody of russian ballerinas that quickly devolves into a bitch fight right out of the 3 Stooges. “Brings back memories of being in the Spice Girls,” quips Mel B. Violin Monster–a violinist dude in a werewolf mask–refuses to tell Simon his real name, intoning “Violin Monster” as if it were his name, rank and serial number.

Tita – Laughter Coach – She works in a hospital to help patients learn “the benefit of laughter.” She plans to turn Simon’s frown upside down! She demonstrates all the different types of laughter…or something. Things get out of control pretty quickly. She and her scary laughs are kind of deranged, to be honest. It’s like how clowns are supposed to be amusing, but in the end? Mostly creepy. Simon stands up and pushes everyone’s buzzers. He wonders if Tita has been drinking. “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT,” he says. Yeah…that was pretty annoying. – 4 nos

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvPcvYk0XVM

Next is a montage of parents and kids, including Simon with his adorable son Eric.

Edgar – Family Band – She was a Christian artist. After winning a radio contest, her first album was a hit. But when she became pregnant out of wedlock, she was drummed out of the industry. Blackballed from radio, her records pulled from stores. HOW CHRISTIAN-LIKE! JESUS WOULD CERTAINLY APPROVE! smh. Later, she met the love of her life, and now, with her husband and daughter, Jaslyn, she’s ready for a second chance. Singing “I’ll Stand by You” by the Pretenders, Nicki is definitely the best singer of the three. The harmonies are beautiful. Mel B compliments Nikki’s soulful voice. Indeed, she has a distinctive rasp. Heidi thinks America will fall in love with them. Howie feels tonight gave birth to a second chance. Simon calls them unique and real. “There’s a special energy from you three,” he says. – 4 yeses. ETA: Nikki used to be a back-up singer for Carrie Underwood, and has a duet on The Voice 1 winner, Javier Colon’s latest album. She was in a Nashville based band called Nikki and Rich. AND has been married three times. She “married” her baby daddy, but it turns out their marriage was never legally documented. She married another dude in 2004, had a son, divorced him and married her current husband, Ryan Edgar, in 2014. They had a daughter in 2015.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzSoj3uZQiA

Little Eric is so cute! Howie gives up his Golden Buzzer to a 12 year old singer/songwriter. A former Contemporary Christian star may be this season’s ringer, and a senior citizen goes heavy metal.

Amazing Sladek – Daredevil Hand Balancer – At 57, he says he claims to be the oldest hand balancer in the world. This New Yorker fell in love with gymnastics as a kid. With help from his younger brother Gary, who acts as his assistant, the daredevil piles up a series of chairs, climbs to the top and balances on one hand. For a youngster it wouldn’t be as big a deal. But yeah, this is pretty impressive for a guy in his late 50s. He keeps piling up more chairs, until he’s literally teetering. He’s so high, his face is obscured by the signage. His finale is a handstand. Old dude is hella spry, for sure. “Amazing,” says Simon. Heidi isn’t feeling his 70’s jumpsuit. Mel was on the edge of her seat. Howie calls his act a wonderful blend of Americana and daredevil stunts. He calls mom and pop (STILL ALIVE. Good for him) to share the good news. – 4 yeses.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYytseR9Az0

Malevo – They are the Magic Mike of Argentina, they say. There is major hairography going on too. The hot dudes work day jobs but dream of landing in Vegas. Drums and whips. Well. They are performing the “rhythm the gauchos used to do.” So, it’s drumming. I’m waiting for the “Magic Mike” part. They ditch the drums and do intricate footwork that’s akin to tapping/Irish clogging. The whip cracking comes next. OK. There was no stripping. They didn’t even take off their leather jackets. I’m a little disappointed. But the dancing was incredible. Simon calls it “Riverdance part 2.” Mel loved their manliness. Heidi calls the act “hot” and “exciting.” – 4 yeses.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mknvHAzARs

Danny Palumbo – Comedian – Unfortunately for this dude. Simon hates comedians. He buzzes the dude pretty quickly. He’s not very funny. The crowd is NOT on his side. Howie says when an act goes south, you have to go with it, think on your feet rather than stick to the act. Howie hates watching comedian’s flop. – 4 nos

DJ Demers – Comedian – Canadian, he also is a stand up comic. He wears a hearing aid. “Two disabilities” he cracks. His hearing loss is profound. His speech is very good, though. His material is mostly deaf jokes. Clever, particularly the way he deftly wove in a joke that made a point about sexuality and assumptions. Howie calls DJ his favorite comedian this season. Mel B and even Heidi–who can be tough–liked it. Simon calls him “Funny, original, likable.” – 4 yeses.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2e9AHAzEN0

John Hetlinger – singer – He’s an 82 year old singer. He used to work in the aerospace industry. He spends all his time with his wife, who seems to be a bit younger than him. He started singing karaoke after he retired 15 years ago. He worked on the Hubble telescope and as a Navy pilot. All he’s missing is the pocket protector! OMG. Ha ha ha. He launches into “Bodies” by Drowning Pool. He’s obvs looking for a second career in screamo rock. I mean. WHY NOT? Simon is laughing his ass off. That was a pretty good goof. I had NO idea he’d be a joke contestant. “You are an animal! I absolutely love you,” gushes Simon.  Heidi, of course, says NO. But the rest say yes.  Who knew that the mean, grumpy judge this season would actually be Heidi. – 3 yeses.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfR5O2PXzfc

Next is a montage of crazy acts that get a yes from the judges. One is a woman with crazy hair who sings “Knock on Wood,” a kid martial arts artist, and a strong man who does splits while pressing bench…INCLUDING HEIDI.

Elevenplay – Visual Artists – A troup of young women from Japan move around the stage in a contemporary dance as drones blink above them. The illusion recalls fireflies or even UFOs. It’s mesmerizing in an otherworldly way. The guys operating the drones join the girls on stage afterward. Simon calls the act “really really smart.” He enthuses, “I think this could be incredible going forward.” The judges love it. – 4 yeses.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CjX1r-gh8U

Grace Vanderwaal – Singer – Twelve year old singer/songwriter is VERY nervous before taking the stage, and is comforted by her 15 year old sister/best friend. “I’m trying to set my expectations very low,” she says. She sings an original song. Oh. Her raspy, unusual voice reminds me of a younger, female Sawyer Fredericks. Her timing is weird and her vocals wobbly–she’s obviously VERY nervous–but she’s unique enough she’ll pass with no problem. She gets into the swing of it on the last verse. This girl has promise, but at 12 years of age she’s seriously only about 25% baked. I mean, your toothpick is NOT gonna be coming out clean any time soon.  The judges give her a standing ovation. Howie calls her a “walking miracle.” and “original.” Before any of the other judges have a chance to speak,  Howie pushes his Golden Buzzer. Grace cries as the confetti flies. Howie even gives her a little hug. Here come the Taylor Swift comparison from Simon. I KNEW that was coming. With Grace’s school girl look, straight bangs, and quirky presentation, it was inevitable. – Howie pushes his Golden Buzzer.